What, Me Worry? by
25
(41 Stories)

Prompted By Hacks and Scams

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I don’t understand what the big deal is with this week’s prompt.  Hacks and scams?  OK; I’ve had a few, but too few to mention.  Like Trump, I’m a stable genius.

I don't understand what the big deal is with this week's prompt.  Hacks and scams?  OK; I've had a few, but too few to mention.

Let me put it this way.  I have been dating a steady stream of beautiful young Asian and Eastern European women, all of whom anxiously sought out my friendship.  And I have been able to keep them deliriously satisfied all night long by virtue of some amazing enhancement/enlargement products and little blue pills that I have acquired at ridiculously low prices from highly respected Canadian pharmaceutical companies.

And how have I been able to lavishly entertain these beautiful ladies when we were not engaged in conjugal bliss?  Easy peasy.  I entered into a complex but highly remunerative partnership with an exiled Nigerian Prince.  I have reaped millions from this arrangement simply by virtue of a very modest up-front investment on my part.  Kudos to the Prince for somehow knowing that I was exactly the savvy investor he needed to unlock these fortunes for us both.  And I understand that he is now back in power, too.

That said, it has not been all rainbows and unicorns for me in my virtual transactions, particularly the telephonic ones.  The IRS has been hounding me for years for tax delinquencies.  I also seem to be in deep trouble with regard to thousands of dollars of student loans that I incurred, though I could have sworn that my father paid all my tuition.  Go figure.  And, most recently, I have been threatened with revocation of my Social Security Number — almost my very soul — despite the fact that I even got a replacement card last year.   Maybe I better call Saul.

Profile photo of John Shutkin John Shutkin


Characterizations: funny, well written

Comments

  1. Betsy Pfau says:

    Clever one, John. Love your sardonic tone. Yes, I get all those calls too., IRS, Social Security. One of our favorites is about upgrades to Microsoft. We have only Apple computers in our households. Oh, I forgot the text I keep getting for my son David, asking if he’d be willing to sell his condo. Too bad he lives in London and has never owned property. How do they think these up?

  2. When you’re out of the clinker John, I’ve got a nice bridge in Brooklyn for you, just name your price.

  3. Laurie Levy says:

    LOL, John. I love the one from the “IRS” that will solve your tax problem if you meet them in the parking lot of a grocery store with cash. Sadly, there are people who fall for this stuff and they are the people who can least afford it.

    • John Shutkin says:

      Thanks, Laurie. Yes, I always think that scamming is probably a perfect test of marketplace theories so that if there is a scam widely out there, there are probably saps falling for it or the scammers would go on to the next one.

  4. Suzy says:

    I love this, John. How much did you have to pay Alfred E. Neuman to use his picture? Or did you just promise him a share of the Nigerian Prince’s money? Thanks for taking the time to write, even though I know all those young women keep you pretty busy. And oh yeah, Saul says don’t call him, he’ll call you.

  5. Marian says:

    Ha, ha, John, well I guess I’ll join you in prison for my tax violations. My Social Security card has been revoked as well. I guess the scammers know I’m female because no beautiful ladies have contacted me.

  6. Very funny, John,,,and all of you!

  7. Why, John! I know so little about this side of you! It’s also reassuring to know that, when one has the courage you possess to open the door to all those women and to trust the kind nature and generosity of those who wish to share their wealth (even though they may be… foreigners), your trust and sense of adventure has paid off for you. I think I’ll turn off my scam… I mean spam filter, and respond to the glittering offers that beckon there! Thanks for the tip, John!

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