Over my many years as a Massachusetts resident, I’ve been called for jury duty three times. The first time, after waiting for hours with all people called that day (including a cousin of my husband’s), my pool was called into the courtroom. The judge asked if there was any reason why any of us couldn’t serve for an extended period of time (I believe it was a murder trial). My hand shot up. The judge called me up to speak to him privately. I informed him that I was the sole caretaker of my two small children. My husband was a management consultant who traveled all the time. In fact, he would be on a flight to Houston in a few hours and I needed to get home to pick my children up from school. I was immediately dismissed.

The second time (this was in March, 2004) was a bit more interesting, though offered the same results. Another long wait, then called into the court room. This time, the bailiff read a list of names and asked if we knew any of the people on the list. One was the woman from whom we’d purchased our home 18 years previously. Again, my hand shot up and I was immediately dismissed. She was a psychiatrist who got into some trouble for having an affair with the husband of one her patients – totally unethical! It broke up both the marriages and she married the other man. I don’t know what the trial was about, but perhaps that misdeed had something to do with it.

I was called once again, more recently, but a few days before my date, received a message that my service was not required. And that is my history with jury duty, or lack thereof.

The Psychology department specialized in animal studies. Herrnstein and his students did their work on pigeons not people.
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As a young girl, I was inevitably drawn to him. He wore a sophisticated suit, was handsome and elegant, and his deep gaze had me completely entranced by his charm. We hit it off during our blind date, laughing and enjoying each other’s company. I thought this was a gift from heaven and true love was blooming.

In “Nighthawks” created in 1942, Edward Hopper depicts two people in the same space, each immersed in his and her own dream.

However, marriage was not as blissful as I hoped. In fact, it turned into a nightmare. His alcohol and gambling addiction made him unstable, and he even physically abused me. I tried to help him overcome his addictions, but it ended in failure every time. Every incident of domestic violence that occurred when he was drunk felt like a demon rising from hell, with angry shouting and physical abuse. His violent behavior was deeply imprinted in my mind, causing me extreme fear and helplessness.

I began to lose confidence, became timid, and even began to doubt my own abilities. I was afraid to leave him, to face a future alone, and to lose custody of my daughter. Even with countless problems and violence, I still tried to salvage the relationship.

However, when I found out he had a new lover, my heart shattered into pieces. I could clearly see that he was pursuing novelty, while I was just an old woman. I became unattractive, as if my life was only the mundane part of satisfying his desires. I felt extremely lost and hopeless.

In the end, I knew I had to leave this toxic relationship. Although it was difficult, I believed it was the right choice because I deserved a better life. I needed to start over, rid myself of that nightmarish scene, and embrace happiness once again. I filed for divorce.

But in Japan, family connections, and politics often play a significant role in determining outcomes in divorce cases. As I looked at the judge’s impassive face and felt my husband’s family’s unyielding attitude, my world crumbled around me. My beloved daughter was awarded to my ex-husband for custody, and I was stripped of all our family’s property and status due to baseless accusations of adultery. My heart felt like it had been shattered into a million pieces. This was not an outcome I could accept.

I tried to prove my innocence, but the court seemed to have made up its mind. It was unwilling to hear my side of the story or learn the truth. I was slapped in the face by Japan’s male dominance and the harsh reality of the cruelty and ruthlessness of human nature.

As I thought back on the happy and hopeful years I had spent with my ex-husband, I couldn’t help but think about how complicated my situation had become due to Japan’s society and legal system.

It seemed as if my life had been taken away from me. I realized that I could not break through my ex-husband’s family’s political connections, I was destined to fade away and be cast aside on the fringes of society. Tears streamed down my face, and I felt like I had lost everything – love, family, and future.

I knew that there was only one choice left for me: to face this cruel world alone. I would be deprived of the chance to watch my daughter grow up, which was one of the most painful things I could imagine. But I needed to keep moving forward, even if sometimes I stumbled and lost my way. I believed that someday, my strength and courage would help me emerge from the darkness and embrace happiness and freedom once again.