“Don’t Walk Under That Ladder”

Alright, ladies and gents, gather ’round. Today’s dissertation is on the peculiar phenomenon of superstition. You know, those little habits that make grown adults clutch a rabbit’s foot like it’s the winning lottery ticket, or avoid black cats like they’re Harvey Weinstein at a kindergarten graduation. Now, as a staunch believer in reason and definitely not someone who purposely spilled salt over his shoulder this morning (totally an accident!), I find some superstitions about as believable as a mime trying to explain existentialism.

But hey, let’s not be Ethnocentric snobs, eh? We all know the “official” definition: Superstition: a belief that defies logic and evidence. Yet, for many cultures; dreams, visions, and even that suspiciously shaped mole on your uncle’s neck are seen as omens, these little fortune cookies from the cosmos.

When a little one did I have any childhood superstitions? Well, let’s just say for my mother’s sake I used to avoid stepping on cracks in the pavement. Not because of some fear of bad luck, mind you, but because skipping those cracks felt oddly satisfying, like a tiny victory against the mundane and an ‘honor thy mother and thy father’ action. Plus, it annoyed the heck out of my mum, which, as any child knows, is always a delightful bonus.

As for adult Kevin? Let’s be honest, the only thing I truly fear is running out of coffee. Now, some might call that a healthy respect for hydration, but others might see it as a desperate need to ward off the evil spirits of dehydration. Who am I to judge?

Speaking of judging, let’s talk about family. My Nana, bless her soul, wouldn’t let you leave the house without a safety pin attached to your clothes. Apparently, it warded off the “evil eye.” Now, I never quite understood if the evil eye was a rogue eyeball just rolling around town looking to create mischief, or was it a metaphor for jealous stares? Either way, I sported those safety pins like a reluctant fashion icon.

Then there’s my friend, Dave. Top guy but rubbish as a grown-up (don’t tell him I said that) and utterly convinced that finding a ladybug is a sign of good luck. Now, I wouldn’t mind a bit of ladybug luck myself, considering the state of my dating life, but the last time Dave “found” a ladybug, it turned out to be a misplaced button from his shirt. Let’s just say his luck wasn’t exactly…blooming.

Look, the truth is, superstitions are a fascinating peek into the human desire for control. We crave order in this chaotic world, and sometimes, a lucky charm or a knocked-on-piece of wood feels like a tiny act of defiance against the unknown. Me? I prefer to rely on hard work, talent (questionable, I know), and maybe a well-placed joke or two. But hey, if you find comfort in a lucky penny, a four leaf clover or a pre-appearance ritual involving a particular sock, carry on. Just don’t expect me to join your interpretive dance to appease the footwear gods!

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From Department Store Detours to Deliveries at My Door

Hey there, comedy connoisseurs! Here I am here, fresh off a bargain hunt that left me with more questions than discounts. We all know the struggle is real when that cashier asks, “Paper or plastic?” But let me tell you, folks, things weren’t always this “eco-friendly dilemma” business. Back in my day (cue the dramatic music!), shopping was an adventure, not a chore delivered straight to your phone.

Now, don’t get me wrong, the internet is a beautiful thing. Need a spatula shaped like a cat? Boom, there it is on page 37 alongside a singing fish and a self-stirring mug. But here’s the thing I miss: the thrill of the hunt! Remember those weekend excursions to the mall with your mom, armed with a list and a dream? You’d strategically dodge neon signs and Cinnabon smells to find the perfect pair of toe warmers (don’t judge, it was the 90s).

There was a certain satisfaction in physically holding that item, comparing it to others, and maybe even negotiating a slightly lower price with a wink and a smile. Sure, online reviews exist now, but can they replicate the sage advice of a bored but attractive teenage female working the Gap who just wants to go on break? I think not.

Speaking of breaks, shopping trips were social events! You’d bump into your classmates, argue over who looked better in those ripped jeans (spoiler alert: it was never me), and maybe even catch a glimpse of your former crush at the Orange Julius stand. Now, the closest social interaction you get is the awkward exchange with your delivery person who wonders why you’re buying enough bubble wrap to build a house or worse perhaps enough to bury a body (it masks the smell pretty, pretty, pretty good).

But hey, let’s not get all misty-eyed for the bygone days of dial-up internet and neon everything. Online shopping is a lifesaver, especially when you’re in your PJs at 2 am). The convenience is undeniable. Plus, price comparison is a breeze, and those same neon leg warmers I coveted as a kid are just a click away (although, for the sake of everyone’s retinas, let’s keep those visuals in the past).

So, what’s the verdict? Shopping then and now is a tale of two vastly different experiences. We’ve gained unmatched ease and selection, but lost a bit of the social element and the joy of discovery through touch and feel. Maybe the future holds a happy medium: virtual reality malls where you can hang with your friends, haggle with a holographic salesperson, and still get your pizza delivered by drone. Until then, I’ll be navigating the digital aisles, reminiscing about the good ol’ days, and wondering if that singing fish comes with free shipping. See you at the checkout, folks!

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