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Growing up in Detroit, I attended an integrated, large elementary school which encompassed grades K-8. At that time, the curriculum was excellent, but even during the years I attended, 1958-1963, it was already over-crowed and I began kindergarten the February after turning 5, as they had split sessions to accommodate the large numbers of students. Summer school attendance was common.

In 1962, girlfriends and I canvassed the neighborhood to raise support for the tax that underwrote the school system, but the vote went down to defeat. My parents, and many others, knew this was the death knell for superior education in Detroit and “white flight” was underway. We moved to a neighboring, lily-white suburb on October 1, 1963.

My new school system wasn’t as good as my former one. In 6th grade, we had one term of “new math”. I had already studied “new math” the previous year. In high school, there were no AP level classes, only three “honor” level classes (I took English, was invited into Science, but then couldn’t have taken four years of a foreign language, which I preferred, so declined Science, which wouldn’t effect my major in college anyway).

With no increased tax money, the school system in Detroit rapidly deteriorated. That was my first taste of inequality.

Brandeis had no Education Department. I was a Theater major. In addition, I wanted to qualify for my teaching certification. In order to do that, I had to student teach during the first semester of my senior year, take various psychology courses as well as a course on theories of education in the US (the open classroom was in vogue at that moment). It was in this class, in 1973, that I was introduced to the teachings of Jonathan Kozol.

He was native to the area, graduated from Harvard in 1958, won a Rhodes Scholarship to study at Oxford, but didn’t complete his term. He went off to Paris to learn to write. Upon his return to Boston, he got a teaching job in the Boston Public Schools. He was fired for teaching a poem of Langston Hughes, as he described in his first book, published in 1967, “Death at an Early Age”. He came home to Newton (where I happen to live) to teach and became active in the Civil Rights movement.

He is now one of the leading thinkers, writers and advocates on the problems of inequality in education. He has written ground-breaking, award-winning books on the subject. His basic thesis is that one’s location of birth shouldn’t be the determinate for spending on, or quality of education for any given child. It is criminal.

He remains actively involved in the fight to bring equality of quality education across the spectrum for children, regardless of where they live. A good education is the basis for a decent job and upward mobility. Despite years of “good intentions”, statistics prove that schools are MORE segregated now, due to red-lining and the economics of years of Conservative politics than ever before. I read an article in the New York Times recently that posits that the tax code even favors Whites over Blacks.

Despite good intentions, the “No Child Left Behind” Act, which established base-line testing, created a situation where teachers are forced to “teach to the test” each year or lose school funding. Students don’t learn in the same way or by the same modality, so standardized testing can’t be the method to determine what is working across all demographics. It is forcing square pegs into round holes. With spending inequalities, the arts are usually the first programs that are cut, but those enrichment programs bring out creativity and are usually rewarding for all children. Certainly, students need to be proficient in reading and math skills, but they also must have an outlet for expression.

And on a personal note, Kozol’s nephew was a long-time member of the Rose Board of Advisors with me; one smart lawyer and fellow Brandeisian! They are a distinguished family of deep thinkers.

 

My mother and her two sisters had excellent manners. They always knew what to wear for any occasion, how to behave, how to write a lovely thank you note. Very proper women. And these they taught to their children as well. I used to call them the “white glove ladies”, as you can see from the Featured photo of my Aunt Ann, my mother’s oldest sister, with her beloved great granddaughter at a family bat mitzvah. I love that she was still wearing gloves to temple in 1984.

I remember going out to nice restaurants at a very young age and always sitting properly, no shenanigans allowed. I knew what spoon and fork to use, to immediately put a napkin on my lap, to say “please” and “thank you”, not speak with my mouth full of food, wait my turn in conversations, try to have something intelligent to add to the conversation. Keep my nails clean, be well-groomed.

That was part of my upbringing. I was bred to be a Lady. It meant that I would feel comfortable in any social occasion, though I was shy so frequently didn’t enter the conversation unless invited, and didn’t have good small talk. That was a different skill set that I acquired later in life. That required the ability to actively listen to others and ask questions; show interest. I thought it showed “class”, but came to realize how biased that impression was. Anyone could have good manners. It spoke more about upbringing than being “classy”. It spoke to the values of the adults around you and your ability to integrate them into your own value structure.

I tried to pass these values on to my children, but this is an entirely different era. The Internet and social media have intruded in all sorts of ways. Writing thank you notes is definitely a lost art, but I think table manners should not be. I might have won that battle. Not just at the table, but in general. I see my London son with his girlfriend and I take heart. She tells me that I raised a good man, kind and empathetic, and I am ecstatic. My daughter is on the autism spectrum which is marked by social difficulties. We have worked on social interactions her whole life. She is attuned to some things, others, not so much. We recently had a talk about de-escalating in tense situations. She said she has learned to do this. I’m not sure if that is related to manners, but it is a learned and excellent skill; one that I need more practice at.

Yet, as I think more deeply about this prompt, I’ve come to realize the “manners” I ticked off in my opening remarks are superficial and exterior. They don’t define the person. What is interior does. How one treats another human being can, more rightly, define you. Do you treat others with dignity and respect, show compassion? Then, truly, you have good manners. Do you make others feel good about themselves; treat them with empathy, kindness, bring them joy? Shouldn’t that bring you joy too? I would like to posit that doing all of the above would be having good manners. Model those for your offspring or those in your care, or about whom you care and we would all be living in a better world.

 

 

 

I appreciate the classic movies and my husband is an avid watcher of Turner Classic Movies. But when I am home and unencumbered, my eyes no longer able to focus on the printed page and I choose to relax alone at night, I have my go-to favorites that I watch over and over. I admit it; I love a good romance, even better if it is a costume drama.

My all-time favorite movie (as noted by the Featured photo) is Shakespeare in Love (1998). I know…it beat Saving Private Ryan for Best Movie of the year and my husband will never let me live that one down. You must understand, I think Romeo and Juliet is the finest play ever written. I always wanted to play Juliet and was hughly disappointed when I realized I was too old. So seeing the supposed origin story of the play, with witty intermingling of other quotes from Shakespeare interspersed was just heaven. It became migraine therapy for me. When I had taken all the medication I could that day, I would run off to see this again; it played a mile from my house. I saw it 15 times in the theater; yes a record for me. I still love it.

I saw this movie the night after Thanksgiving, 1992, in a tiny theater in Hamilton, NY while Dan’s parents babysat. It struck me like a bolt of lightening. I had to see it over and over again. It took me years to understand why it had the impact on me that it did (it had to do with loss and my father, whose birthday was November 23; he had only been dead a few years then). I became obsessed with Daniel Day-Lewis, as I recounted in My Love Affair With Daniel Day-Lewis. (Seeing DD-L in My Left Foot years earlier did not have the same affect). I find it holds up well and I still enjoy it.

I know many prefer the Masterpiece Theater version with Colin Firth. I love this one and find it satisfying to watch it over and over again. Keira Knightly was a relative new-comer and very good in this.

One you’ve never heard of, directed by a Brandeis friend (Marshall Herskowitz). It did no box office, but I saw it on Boston’s opening night and fell in love. It takes place during the time of the courtesans in Venice with lush costumes and scenery, plenty of sexy romance, a strong female lead. Jacqueline Bisset plays the mother. I saw her at the Nantucket Film Festival a few years ago and told her this was a favorite (just as I’ve told Marshall, who is a classmate of my husband’s). Both remarked that the film has a cult following. Guilty as charged.

Love the music (Solomon Burke’s “Cry To Me” makes me melt), the dancing and the romance. Not much more to say except, “No one puts Baby in a corner”.

I love anything with Audrey Hepburn but particularly enjoy Roman Holiday, Sabrina, Breakfast at Tiffany’s, Two for the Road, and a small gem with Peter O’Toole called How to Steal a Million; light as a feather, it’s an art heist in Paris with some romantic entanglements and great Givenchy clothing.

West Side Story and To Kill a Mockingbird are timeless. I can’t believe Spielberg is remaking WSS! Sacrilege!

At Christmas time, I must watch Miracle on 34th Street, White Christmas, and It’s a Wonderful Life. I have them recorded on my bedroom DVR, safely stowed away for all time.

Neither avant-garde nor New Wave, though we do see try to see all the Oscar-nominated films and enjoy foreign and indies. We see a lot of movies each year, but those listed above are the films I watch over and over. They do not disappoint.