This won’t hurt a bit

In 1957,  travel overseas meant lots of shots for our whole family—Mom. Dad, and three children.  I was the middle child, age 6.   We had to go to a special clinic in downtown Lansing, and we children were promised we would be taken out to dinner if we “behaved”.  This would be a big deal and special treat indeed; we virtually never ate outside the home.

The youngest sister cried and carried on, but my older sister and I were big girls, and submitted bravely to the really long and painful needles for typhoid, typhus, cholera–and there must have been others, because I’m sure we were subjected to more than that.  There were no measles or varicella vaccines yet, but we all had smallpox scars on our shoulders.  Maybe the needles just seemed enormous to a small child, but I am inclined to believe they were longer and duller and more evil back then.  In any case, we the brave were rewarded with a grown-up dinner with  Mom at Bill Knapp’s, a family restaurant across the highway from the Frandor shopping center, while the youngest sister was stuck home with Dad.

The next morning was agony—we could hardly move our arms, and the slightest effort resulted in searing pain.  Arms were red and swollen; maybe we even had fevers.  No one was happy.  It was the sort of cruel truth about consequences we also learned the hard way after tonsil surgery—yes, you can have ice cream, but your throat will hurt too much to enjoy it.

When it came time for the booster shots (What?  There are more?) in a few weeks, we had a better idea what we were in for. Despite the thrilling possibility of another dinner (this time it would be Howard Johnson’s, with 28 flavors of ice cream!), the youngest one was once again in tears, and this time I had a complete meltdown when I got inside the doctor’s office.  As they approached me with the needle, I started screaming and, as the story goes in the family lore, I literally climbed up the curtains to escape.  I remember this.  It was terror.  I must have been subdued somehow, and subjected to the shot torture, but I certainly did NOT get any HoJo dinner, let alone ice cream. I was relegated to eat at home with the little sister, while the older sister had her special moment alone with Mom.  Of course I felt terribly wronged, since the problem was clearly with the shot and not me.

I still am not fond of needles, but have gotten to know them well. When I am at the COVID vaccination clinic, cheerfully chatting up the folks,  they tell me that they “hardly felt a thing” after I have given them the jab.

Who’s Norton?

I walked into my 90 year old mom’s house years ago and heard her crying. I dropped my purse and the bag of glazed donuts I’d brought her and rushed into the den fearing I’d find her on the floor with a broken hip. But no. She was sitting in front of her computer screen, perched on a phone book so she could reach the keys, sobbing.

Relieved to find her intact, I asked, “What happened, Mom?” I tried to read the screen in front of her, thinking maybe someone had sent her an email about a death in the family. Email was all she knew how to use on the computer my brother had set up for her. (And he was no computer genius, himself, so maybe email was all there was on her computer anyway.) She would write an email message, print it out, and mail it, by U.S Mail,  to the recipient. And she was amazed when a message from someone she knew showed up in her inbox! I tried to explain that she didn’t need to mail the letter, but to no avail. After all, how would they get it? It would just stay in the machine!

“Who is this Norton?” she wailed. “Why doesn’t he leave me alone!”

“Norton?” I had no idea who Norton was. I had no cousins named Norton. And I was no computer genius either.

“Look,” she ordered, pointing to a window that blocked her message. “He won’t let me read the letter from Len” Len was her favorite nephew. “He keeps telling me I have to pay him or I’ll get a virus.” She cried some more. “I don’t like this computer. Take it away. I don’t want to get sick. And I don’t like Norton. I couldn’t sleep last night because of him.”

I pried her away from the desk, promising her that Len’s letter would wait for her, and that we would figure out how to get rid of Norton once and for all (though I had no clue how I would do that.) And we went to the kitchen where she was immediately distracted by her need to feed me. When I produced the donuts I’d brought for her, she forgot all about Norton, Len, and the computer and we sat down to a pleasant cup of tea and donuts.

I must have called my tech specialist–I had one because I had to use a computer for my work and barely knew more than my mom about what to do when things didn’t work the way I expected them to–and we deep-sixed Norton. She went back to reading and writing– and mailing– emails. She would be devastated to imagine the US Postal Service going out of business.

Now it’s my turn. I’ve got the email thing down pretty well by now. And the texting. But when social media became a necessity to maintain a presence in the business world, I quit. I refused to learn how to tweet my way into the hearts of clients. And when that orange guy decided he could run the country by tweeting…well, a twit just doesn’t have the gravitas to run a country. At least I have the sense to know that I don’t have the wherewithal to keep up with technology. Or Norton. I get it, mom.

 

Should have, Could Have ?

When I Was Living in SaltLake City in the ’70s The feds were offering courses on computers while they paid you a weekly check. I Did Not Swallow The worm. Darn, My not having an education has been an emotional disadvantage for me. But Now I Have a Beautiful One bedroom overlooking the ocean for $170.00 a month under Mercy housing that got me out from living in my van for 6 years one block from the Giants Baseball Park now my dreams of being a Dj on twitch are coming true. I Maybe 71 but

I look like I am in my 50’s.  Thank You John for turning me on to Retrospect. I Get the impression That Retrospect is your baby.

Love and Peace,   Dj discOworm