The Gs

The Gs

Louise and I were both living in the women’s graduate dorm at Columbia in the 1960s while I was in library school and she in the social work program,  and we soon became fast friends.

Within a few years after grad school we each married,  happily our new husbands hit it off,  and by good fortune we both settled in towns north of New York in Westchester County.   And in those early,  married-without-children years Louise and Steve G,  and I and Danny got together almost  every weekend.

Then one day the Gs told us they both had accrued some vacation time and were planning to take a month off and drive cross-country.

Oh dear,  what will we do without you for a whole month!”,  we cried,  “But take lots of photos to show us when you’re back.”

We never saw those photos,  and inexplicably we never saw Louise and Steve again.   And altho that was over 50 years ago,  Danny and I still jokingly ask each other  “Do you think the Gs are back yet?”

– Dana Susan Lehrman

Ex-Friends: Navigating the Tangled Web of Friendship’s Dissolution

 

Friendship, a bond that weaves through the tapestry of human existence, is a source of solace, support, and shared experiences. It’s a symphony of shared laughter, whispered secrets, and unspoken understandings. However, like any intricate creation, friendship can unravel, leaving behind a tangled web of emotions and unanswered questions. The dissolution of a friendship, the outgrowth of ex-friends, is a complex and can be a painful journey.

In the realm of human relationships, ex-friends occupy a peculiar space, hovering between the familiarity of the past and the unfamiliarity of the present. They are ghosts of camaraderie, remnants of a connection that has faded or fractured.

The reasons for the demise of a friendship are as diverse as the individuals involved, ranging from the passage of time or petty disagreements to profound betrayals. Yet, regardless of the cause, the end of a friendship leaves an emotional residue that can linger for years.

The loss of a friend can be akin to a grieving process, marked by stages of denial, anger, sadness, and acceptance. The once-cherished bond, now severed, leaves a void, a yearning for the companionship and understanding that once existed. The familiar rhythms of shared experiences are disrupted, replaced by an unsettling silence.

The complexities of ex-friendships are often exacerbated by the lingering ties that remain. Social circles, mutual acquaintances, and shared memories can entangle ex-friends in a web of awkward encounters and unresolved emotions. The unspoken rules of engagement, once governed by mutual respect and affection, can become ambiguous and fraught with tension.

Navigating the social minefield of ex-friendships requires a delicate balance of tact, understanding, patience and of course self-preservation. Maintaining boundaries is crucial, establishing clear limits as to interactions and avoiding situations that could rekindle old conflicts or unresolved feelings. Communication, though often challenging, is essential, allowing for honest expression of emotions and the possibility of closure.

The path to healing from a broken friendship is rarely linear. It’s a process marked by setbacks and detours, a gradual journey towards acceptance and moving forward. Forgiveness, not for the sake of the ex-friend, but for one’s own emotional well-being, can be a powerful tool in the healing process.

Ex-friendships, like scars on the heart, serve as reminders of past connections and the fragility of human bonds. They teach valuable lessons about the fickleness of human relationships, the importance of communication, and the fragility and resilience of the human spirit. While the dissolution of a friendship can be a painful experience, it can also lead to personal growth, a deeper understanding of oneself and one’s needs, and a renewed appreciation for the enduring power of true friendship.

Supernova

“You will always be friends” the counselor told us.  We were too entwined and besides, she had seen it repeatedly in the women’s community, a fluidity of friends and lovers staying connected despite everything.  I said nothing but promised myself, “Oh no, we won’t”.
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