To Be or Not to Be, that is the Question by
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I have always wanted to be a grandparent.  Even as a child I would watch out for the well being of other children.  When I worked at the Jewish Community Center as a kind of clerk/secretary for the summer camp, there was a young girl who was probably not more than 6 and was fairly manipulative who I pitied.  She seemed neglected.  I rode the buses with the children, and when we dropped her off she was always left playing alone in her front yard.

She was frequently reprimanded for misbehavior, which I would say was attention getting(not at all a professional designation…(I was 14).  Sometimes she was given a time out and I was supposed to ignore her, but I never did that very well.

There were neighbors on the corner of the street where I lived.  It was one of the neighborhoods built to welcome WWII soldiers home.   The homes were simple and small by today’s standards.  Two of the younger children (who lived at three houses down from us, loved when I would come and play with them.  I was old enough to pick them up and whirl them around in circles so that I got dizzy(it was fun) and they were flying(which was also fun).

Now my three children are grown.   One is in her 40’s and knows that it is unlikely that she will have a child.  She is a research scientist and a mostly self taught computer geek and has no likelihood of marriage in sight.  She has health issues that would make a safe pregnancy unlikely.

My second adult child is the only one living nearby.   I adore him and love his wife.   They want to have a child, but can’t afford to now.  I don’t say anything about that except that I support whatever choice they decide is best for them.  Of course, I hope someday to be a grandmother, and my husband would love to be a grandfather.  But our first wish is for them to be doing and deciding what is best for them and supporting them.

My youngest boy is studying in Hungary at the moment and wants to be an anthropologist.  He travels a great deal and is very interested in cultural anthropology and has worked in the nearby country of Georgia for several years.

Sweetly, he once asked me if he could have some books from my collection of children’s books if he has children. ( I am trained as a librarian and a social worker, but I really love libraries the best of the two)  Of course, I said yes.  However, he is also a traveller and a studious hard working young man, and his frequent travels would not make raising and supporting a family easy unless his wife whoever she may be, could travel and take the kids along.  He doubts that he will settle in the US in the near future as he is interested in studying and doing research in east European and Asian countries.

So for the time being I admire other grandmothers grandchildren, and tell almost all of them that every grandmother has the best grandchildren.  Not surprisingly they mostly agree.

 

Profile photo of rosie rosie
born, lived, cried, appreciated, lost, found, lived, laughed, flew in my dreams,
taught others to fly in their dreams, became a telescope reflecting the stars,
dove to the depths of despair ,recovered and walked along the beach as the water escaped from the sea and erased my footprints.


Tags: 3 children and still no answer, will I be a grandma? or a Bubbie?
Characterizations: moving

Comments

  1. Profile photo of Betsy Pfau Betsy Pfau says:

    I admire your facility with children and appreciate the way you support your own, but are honest about longing to have grandchildren. I also have grown children, but grandchildren seem far in the future, if it happens at all, so I relate!

    • Profile photo of rosie rosie says:

      Thanks Betsy,

      I have a friend that I used to go have coffee with whenever I was in the town where she lived. We were near the age where ladies start thinking about grandchildren. Every young mother with an adorable child got our coos and congratulations. In my friend’s case, she had to get used to the idea of not having grandchildren,
      but I think it took years for her wisdom to grow to that point. I admire her a great deal and she has been a great friend since our girls were about 3 or 4 years old. We helped each other go through the ups and downs of it all. Now she is a mellow and generous friend and we visit, still, when we can. Thank you,

  2. Profile photo of John Zussman John Zussman says:

    I hear your poignant yearning and I hope you get your wish.

  3. Profile photo of rosie rosie says:

    Thanks. I am going to correct my grammatical errors.

  4. Profile photo of Susan Susan says:

    Maybe you are living your life backwards? First a stand-in grandparent in your neighborhood, now a loving parent, and perhaps your next act is a playful and totally carefree phase! Love how you honor each of your children and the arc of their lives.

  5. Profile photo of rosie rosie says:

    Susan what a wonderful way to look at it. Sometimes I think I had more compassion when I was younger, more hopeful, and so innocent.

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